My Plan
My life has turned out very differently than I imagined or planned. I had no great aspirations for my life. Because Chiu, my brother who was profoundly retarded and had a seizure disorder, had affected everyone’s life, and no agencies would accept him, I just wanted to get a job after graduation, hire a maid, and move to another apartment with Chiu. I wanted to spare my family from this constant agony. I wanted to remain single all my life. I did not know how I would live if, after marriage, I gave birth to a child like Chiu. However, God knows this is not a good plan. With infinite wisdom and love, God had another plan for my life — a plan that I could never have dreamed of or fathomed.
To my dismay, I was not admitted to Hong Kong University. So, I taught middle school for two years. My best friend, Ruth (a fictitious name), who had already left for Montreal to further her studies urged me to join her. I followed her because of our long years of friendship. I also had an intense desire to attend McGill University, a world-renowned university, at that time.
Though my parents had been avid supporters of my education, they decided not to support me financially if I went abroad to pursue a college education. They thought women did not need a college education. I just had saved enough money for one year of college tuition and expenses. However, God used Ruth’s invitation to change the course of my life.
God’s Seeking
I began to drown in a flood of disappointment and disillusionment shortly after I arrived in Montreal. I could not understand why even though I was on the honor roll at McGill, my dream university, there was a void in my heart. I was uncertain about what else I should pursue and what was missing in my life.
Additionally, I felt very miserable. Montreal’s freezing weather and long, dreary winters were not helping either. I always felt exhausted because I was trying to graduate in three years and make money by housecleaning. I never had to do any housework while I was in Hong Kong. My status in Montreal was a foreign student. I did not have a work permit. Doing housework was the only means that I could earn some cash. For two years, the university arranged for me to work as a waitress on a golf course during the summer. I still did not have enough money to cover my expenses. So, during my sophomore year, I got a live-in position taking care of an elderly Jewish couple, who were truly kind to me.
One day while I was accompanying the Jewish elderly lady to Montreal General Hospital for a medical appointment, a medical doctor approached me and informed me that I needed surgery. I was baffled. He kindly explained to me the health implications of having a protruding lower mandible and why this needed to be corrected. He said the physicians at Montreal General could perform on me and the cost would be covered by my medical insurance. This unexpected explanation completely bewildered me and scared me. I always knew I was not pretty because I had a protruding lower mandible, but it had never occurred to me that this could be a health issue and I did not know this was something that could be corrected.
From his explanation, I knew it was a major operation because I had to be hospitalized for one week. During the operation, my jaw would be locked, and I could not eat solid food for a month. At that time, I had enough troubles in life and I could not deal with a major surgery. When I mentioned this to my parents in a letter, they could not offer any advice because this idea was too foreign to them. Their only concern was that nobody was there to take care of me during the post-operation recovery.
At that time, I was attending the College Fellowship of the Chinese Alliance Church. The Christians in the Fellowship group impressed me tremendously, by their radiant joy and faith. Their mood and mindset were completely different from mine. I always knew there was a God and had prayed fervently for Chiu’s healing for many years. Since God could not solve my problem, I began to feel God was useless and did not care for me. God was just an elusive term. I had no personal relationship with God, and I had not accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. However, this group of Christians attracted me, so I shared with them my encounter with the medical doctor.
There were a few medical students in this Fellowship group. They visited me and explained to me what the surgery entailed. They also prayed for me. The group’s chairwoman said I could stay with her and offered to take care of me during my recovery. The vice-chairman, shared with me the verses on Romans 5:3b-5 that “… we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” I have never mentioned to them my financial situation or Chiu’s condition. How did they know I was suffering? Nevertheless, this passage gave me a lot of comfort and assurance.
Ruth graduated and left Montreal in the summer of 1975. I had the operation in the same summer. During my hospital stay, Christians shared the gospel with me and helped me understand what the Bible says about sin, life, and suffering. Thank God, I suddenly realized that if a well-educated doctor could only perform corrective surgery on me, then the one who created me must be a powerful and wise God. He will surely take care of me and solve Chiu’s problems! I also realized that life is more than pursuing an academic degree from a stellar university! I was ashamed that all this time I had only been planning for my academic pursuit and the future of Chiu. I had not sought the true God who is in charge of everything! So, during the first Sunday service in October 1975, I confessed my sin and surrendered myself to God. I asked Him to manage my life. This is the beginning of my new life in Christ! God’s deliverance is amazing!
God’s Calling
In November, I watched a slide presentation on how people were blindly exploring or pursuing their goals in life. I realized that they were just like me before my conversion. They are like hungry, lost sheep, looking for things that could not satisfy them. From that day on, I was willing to be used by God to bless others!
During a Christmas Revival Meeting in 1975, I responded to God’s calling into full-time ministry. Although my heart was zealous, I did not know how to trust and submit to God. Without seeking God’s guidance, I applied for a master’s degree program. York University not only accepted me but also offered me a teaching assistantship. However, God repeatedly urged me to enroll in a seminary. After countless hours of praying and soul-searching, I finally decided to give up my graduate studies and return to Hong Kong. I wanted to teach and serve as a layperson in a church while taking care of Chiu for a while, then attend a seminary.
Once again, God had other plans for my life. I did not know my home situation in Hong Kong had changed tremendously during my three years of absence. My grandmother died during my sophomore year. Shortly before my home visit in the summer of 1976, Chiu was placed in the Castle Peak Mental Hospital. He stayed there till his death in the early 1990s. That was not the appropriate institution for his condition. However, this placement changed everyone’s destiny. It freed me from my self-imposed responsibility of taking care of Chiu. My parents were keenly aware that Hong Kong would return to China in twenty years and started the immigration process to Canada. My sisters had moved to Canada. So, when I mentioned to my parents that I wanted to stay in Hong Kong and work for a few years before I attended Seminary, they were upset with me. They were non-Christians at that time and could not accept the idea of me attending a seminary. Unlike three years ago, they had a change of mind concerning my further studies in Canada. They wanted me to attend York University and get a job in Canada after graduation. In this way, I could support my younger siblings financially. Their thinking was reasonable, so I returned to Canada reluctantly.
God’s Provision
I enjoyed my studies at York University, but God reminded me repeatedly that “If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15). The Holy Spirit urged me constantly to attend a seminary. I prayed fervently for faith and strength. I knew my parents would strongly oppose this idea and cut off my financial support. I was an international student and could not work and study simultaneously. They might deny me as their daughter too. The devil kept using these problems to dissuade me from attending a seminary. Pastor John Kao encouraged me with Romans 8:28. I became confident that God would open a way for me. I trusted that in all things God will work for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. I decided to cast all my burdens on God.
At the 1976 Urbana’s Mission Conference, I met a Christian Brother. He was a student of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. He encouraged me to apply to this seminary because there were scholarships for international students. Sure enough, Gordon-Conwell granted me a two-year tuition scholarship. Although my parents still disagreed with my decision to attend a seminary and I did not know how to raise enough money for my room and board, trusting God’s provision, I left York for Gordon-Conwell in September of 1977 to pursue a master’s degree in religious education. I learned an important lesson – God will provide when we obey God rather than man. God continues to use this lesson to deepen my faith in Him, turning me from a timid and worrisome person into a courageous vessel that God can use.
This is another major turning point in my life. If I had not responded to God’s calling, my life would be drastically different. My master’s thesis at York University was “Land Use Change in the South-East Spadina Neighborhood of Toronto, 1962-1976”. South-East Spadina was Toronto’s “new China Town” at that time. Since I can speak and write Chinese and have written a thesis on this neighborhood, I could easily secure a job in Toronto’s City Planning Office. My salary would be considerable, and I would have no problem supporting my family. My parents would be extremely proud of me. Most probably, I would marry someone with a similar educational background. However, that was not God’s plan for my life.
God’s Reconciliation
During the first semester at Gordon-Conwell, I rarely received correspondence from my parents. I felt downhearted but kept praying for them. It was God’s providential arrangement that I met Leon in the seminary. He applied to Gordon-Conwell also upon the recommendation of the same Brother, whom I met at Urbana. Our personalities and our desire to serve the Lord were much alike. We felt united in spirit when we prayed and read the scriptures together.
However, I was hesitant to get married because I still worried that I would give birth to a disabled child. Leon shared Psalm 139 with me when he learned the reason. The Psalm talks about how God not only creates a new life, but also gives each child a unique temperament, physique, and endowment. God has a unique plan for each one of us. God knits and protects us even when we are still in our mother’s womb (verses 13-16). Therefore, we do not have to worry whether our children will have a disability. We must lean on God to give us wisdom and strength to raise our children according to His plan. Leon assured me that if God chose to give us a disabled child, he would not blame me, because every child is a gift from God. We should not blame a woman for giving birth to a disabled child.
Relieved, I informed my parents about my relationship with Leon. To our delight and amazement, parents from both sides urged us to get married. At the same time, seminary professors also recommended that we should marry that summer. They knew the tremendous adjustments we had to make if we married after graduation. It would be difficult for us to adjust to the demands of the church ministry and married life simultaneously. So, we were married in the summer of 1978 at the seminary.
God in His wonderful ways used my marriage to restore my estranged relationship with my parents. I learned another lesson: obedience to God is man’s responsibility, but changing others and the environment is God’s work. Our marriage was accomplished so smoothly, which was a clear indication that God was working in my parents’ hearts. Alleluia!
God’s Service
Leon and I both graduated from Gordon-Conwell Seminary in 1979. He obtained a Master of Divinity degree. For thirty-eight years, he served as a minister in several Chinese American Churches until his retirement in 2017. Therefore, I became a minister’s wife — the eldest daughter-in-law of several Chinese American churches. I received a master’s degree in religious education from Gordon-Conwell and served alongside Leon as a layperson. God blessed us with two sons and one daughter. They grow up to be healthy, capable, and promising adults. The life of consecration has both sweet and frustrating moments. However, Brother Bian Yunbo’s famous saying: “Even the road of the cross becomes more and more difficult, our hearts to serve becomes more steadfast and resolute” (Note 1) has become our motto. We complement each other to serve this true and living God.
Note 1: Bian Yunbo, “To the Unknown Preacher”, p.27. 邊雲波，「獻給無名的傳道者」，第27頁。
邊雲波弟兄所寫的：「那怕十字架的道路越走越難，我們的心志卻是越難越堅。」