You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you,
as you are to them. — Desmond Tutu
My father Ping Kee Kwok (郭炳祺) was born in Guangzhou, China, in 1921 and went home with the Lord on March 10, 2007, in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Usually, Chinese names have meanings and often express parents’ wishes for a child. My father’s name Ping (炳) in Chinese means remarkable and brilliant, and Kee (祺) means to have a successful future. Though my father had to overcome many adversities in life, he was able to achieve the attributes that were described in his name.
My father was the oldest of nine children. He was the only child of my grandfather and my grandmother, who was the lawful wife. In Chinese culture, the oldest son of the lawful wife usually is the favored child and occupies a prominent position in the family. Upon his father’s death, the oldest son would inherit most of the family’s fortune. Unfortunately, this is not my father’s case.
A Childless Couple
Shortly after my grandparents’ wedding, my grandfather became a sailor. Within the first ten years of marriage, my grandfather made many sea voyages between Hong Kong and California. He was away for months and stayed home only for a short while and then set sail again. My grandfather was upset with my grandmother because for ten years, she was not able to bear him a child. At that time, a woman bore the blame when she was not able to conceive a child. So, my grandfather wanted to have a second wife to bear children with and continue the family name. While my grandfather was preparing to take on a second wife, my grandmother became pregnant. Being a submissive wife, she did not dare to go against my grandfather’s wish and tell him the good news. Because of this, I have a number two grandmother.
A Polygamous Family
By 1930, my grandfather had accumulated a fortune and mastered some conversational English. He bought two used cars from San Francisco and transported them to Hong Kong to start a taxi-cab company. Gradually, he also became the operator of several Shell Gasoline Stations. Later on, he opened an auto-part company. In the meantime, my grandfather’s family settled in Hong Kong. Both grandmothers gave birth to more children. My lawful grandmother gave birth to a girl who died in infancy. My second grandmother became my grandfather’s favorite because she bore him four sons and three daughters. Therefore, my father, though being the oldest son, lost his privileged position.
An Unfavored Son
Throughout his life, my father wanted to earn his father’s love by being obedient, conscientious, and diligent. He attended the famous Wah Yen College, the first English secondary school established in Hong Kong, which was started and managed by a Chinese. During my father’s attendance, the Jesuit Fathers managed the school. Unfortunately, in 1941 during the Japanese occupation of Hong Kong, the school was forced to turn into a Red Cross Station, and classes were suspended. Later on, my father continued his education in a business school. After graduation, he assisted my grandfather in the family business.
A Wise and Caring Father
My parents were married in 1946 in Guangzhou. They had a traditional Chinese wedding. While fleeing back to Hong Kong during the communist takeover of China in 1949, they left many valuables, including their wedding pictures, behind in the ancestral home. My parents had seven children. Their oldest son died at birth. I, the number two child, became the oldest child of the family and the oldest of twenty grandchildren.
I have very fond memories of my parents, especially that of my father. I guess because he understood what it was like not to be loved by his father, he tried to bestow his love on us in a myriad of ways. We were not rich, but we were always provided for and cared for lovingly. We were born in a hospital and not delivered at home by a midwife. My sister Mary and I were born in St. Paul’s Hospital (or known as the French Convent Hospital), which was one of the oldest private hospitals in Hong Kong. While we were growing up, many families shared a flat or lived in resettlement housing. My father though being the only breadwinner for a family of nine rented a flat in Happy Valley (跑馬地) for the family to live. Happy Valley was and still is an affluent neighborhood. A maid helped my mother and my grandmother to take care of us during our childhood years. We have had a washing machine since the late 1950s.
Since I was the oldest child, my father devoted more love and time to me. When I was in lower elementary school, he walked me to school in the mornings and reviewed my homework with me in the evenings. My father, like most of his contemporary Chinese males, did not express his love to us verbally. He showed his love to us by nurturing us with a good education. When I was in fourth grade, he started teaching me classical Chinese literature, such as Tao Yuanming’s “The Peach Blossom Visionary Land” (陶淵明作的桃花源記) and Su Shi’s “The First Visit to the Red Cliff” (蘇軾作的赤壁賦).
My parents initially enrolled me and most of my siblings in a Chinese school where English was taught as a Second Language. By the time I finished fifth grade, my parents realized that my future depended upon receiving a sound English education because, at that time, Hong Kong was a British Colony. Therefore, they wanted to transfer me to a good English School. Since my English was so poor the Italian nuns in St. Francis Canossian School accepted me as a fourth-grade student. I was devastated because I was demoted two grades. At that time, I was already a tall eleven-year-old preadolescent, but I trusted that my parents made the best decision for me. Looking back, I could see how much love, sacrifice, and wisdom had gone into my parents’ decision.
In my time, all students had to pay tuition to go to school. Because many people fled to Hong Kong after the Communists took over China, resources were very scarce. There were not enough jobs, housing, or schools. Many students, especially girls, were forced to quit school after their elementary education and work in factories. To prepare a bright future for us, our parents allowed all the children to be demoted by one to two grades when transferred from a Chinese to an English school. They had to spend a lot more money on our education.
Moreover, in light of our home circumstances, sending us to English schools was never an easy decision for our parents to make. Our family went through many financial and emotional crises after our fifth brother, Chiu Yee, was diagnosed with a profound developmental disability and a seizure disorder. He had seizures every four hours. The whole family was in a constant state of emergency, anxiety, fear, and pain. My parents spent all their savings on his medical expenses, but there was no avail. We felt so helpless. Chui Yee was eight years younger than me. Being the oldest child, I bore my parents’ sadness, disappointment, and even shame and guilt. Amid all these happenings and emotional turmoil, my father still tutored us in the evenings so that we could catch up with our English. I am extremely awed by my parents’ courage and steadfast love for us.
A Shrewd Businessman
My grandfather died in 1963, and this year became a turning point in my father’s career. My grandfather did not leave any money or business to my father, though he was the oldest son and the son of his lawful wife. My father has always been an industrious and shrewd businessman. With his fluency in English, Shell Gas Company offered my father to be the operator of Whitty Street Shell Gasoline Station. From then on, my father was able to exercise his skills independently without my grandfather’s control. Within less than five years, my father had accumulated enough money to open an auto parts company. As time progressed, he became the operator of several Shell Gasoline Stations. With increasing involvement in his business, my father spent less time at home tutoring my younger siblings.
The Legacy of My Parents’ Wise Decision
Due to my parents’ wise decision to send me to a reputable English school, many doors were opened for me later in my life. I almost obtained a full score on TOEFL when I applied to Canada for college. I know it is my strong bilingual skills that I, an overseas-born Chinese, could in my forties complete a professional degree and for twenty years work as a bilingual school psychologist and supervisor/administrator in the American School system. Throughout my years in church ministry, I have been teaching, interpreting, translating, and writing in both languages. I was so proud that seven of my articles written in Chinese were published last year by two major Christian organizations. I left Hong Kong forty-seven years ago; I am amazed I can still write Chinese proficiently. I have to give all the credit to my parents.
A Devoted Husband
Two things that happened to my parents during their senior years are worth mentioning here. After immigrating and settling in Calgary, Canada, they accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and were baptized in the early 1990s. Since then, they have become a faithful member of the Chinese Alliance church. Before my mother’s death, she had been blind for ten years. My father was always a faithful and tender husband, dedicated his time and energy to care for my mother. It was not an easy task because they were both advanced in age, and my father had never had to do any housework before this. Despite this, they still attended Sunday School, Sunday services, and other church activities. My father often went to Chinatown to have dim sum and do grocery shopping with my mother.
There are many other things that I would like to record here. I am just going to mention a few briefly. My father never scolded us unreasonably or loudly. He was stern but tender as well. He took us to playgrounds, beaches, and exhibitions during the weekends. (For details, please refer to the article “Where Did You Go on Vacations as a Child?”) He always enjoyed a harmonious relationship with his younger siblings, though they were not from the same mother. They called him “Big Brother” respectfully. They even contributed money to rebuild the ancestral house in Guangzhou and used it as a resort. They often visited the ancestral graves together. We, the younger generation, enjoy a good relationship with our uncles, aunts, and cousins. My father was generous to others, too. He lent money to close relatives but would not demand them to pay him back if they could not afford that.
A Befitting Eulogy
A senior minister wrote and dedicated the following poem to my father at his memorial service. He used my father’s first name as the beginning word of each line. The following is my English translation.
炳燭耀真光, 撒手塵寰朝聖闕;
This brilliant candle shone forth the true light, leaving this earthly dwelling to go to the Heavenly City:
祺祥留典範, 歸心天國享神榮.
A positive and successful life left behind a model for us to follow, returning to the Heavenly Kingdom with glory.
This poem captures the essence of my father’s life and the attributes described in his name. I will always remember my beloved father. I am who I am because of how my father raised me. Let this article be my tribute to my father, Mr. Kwok Ping Kee.
-Frances Chow